Thinking....

Been thinking a bit the last few days. It just might be time to break out of my shell and meet new people. I kick my own ass every time there is a tweet up and I don't go. I blame it on the panic attacks I have when driving downtown but its more just my shyness that stops me. 


Why am I okay with online interaction and not face to face? Part of me thinks its because I'm still really hurt by Tim and Kevin. I thought I was pretty much over Kev but then I think about all he did and I just get more and more upset. Tim I don't think I will ever be over. Maybe if he told me why he stopped talking to him. Not that I would believe him. 


If I wasn't so shy maybe I would have that "someone" in my life. I wouldn't mind having someone to cuddle next to while watching a scary movie. Someone to go on a walk with and hold hands. Even a simple hug would be nice. I don't think that's asking for a lot. I just want to feel loved. I don't think that is asking for too much. Maybe it is. I don't know. 


If you are reading this Kevin Matthew Guatney. I hate you with as much passion a person can hate.