Can o' worms

So I opened a can o' worms. I emailed someone back. You know the guy I slept with then the next day he told me he was going back to some other chick.

Not sure if its because I'm sick of being alone, or I feel the need for "pain" but I almost want to see him again. I KNOW I shouldn't but I'm sick of being alone.

Even in a crowd I'm alone. I can be with my best friends and still be alone.

Is it so wrong to want to be held, kissed, and told everything is OK even if its not????

I think I have hit rock bottom. I would never take my life, but it sounds pretty damn good right now.

I KNOW SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM. In my head there must be pain for tears to fall. I'm not in pain right now. So why am I crying???? I'm trying so hard right now not to do something to cause pain. Just let the tears fall. I keep holding back.

WHY wont I get the help I need so badly????