numb

So at the end of last week I started talking to a nice guy. He was just a few years older then me. Taller then me, really sweet and very nice. We talked a few days and then last night I went  to his place to meet him. Everything went great. I wasn't that shy around him. I cuddled right up to him as we watched a movie. We kissed a little. We talked and sadly I gave in and we had sex.

He kept telling me how cute I was and that he wants to date me. I was excited. I met a "good" guy for once.

I texted him today and asked how his day was. After about 20 minuets I get a 3 page text. This is what he said.

"You are going to think I"m a total asshole. I'm so sorry. I can't see you again. I had a girl I was dating and she and I couldn't agree on which way to go together or seperate. She had lunch with me today. We are getting back together. I'm so so sorry. I feel like a jackass. You are a very sweet girl. Don't be dicouraged by this. If I didn't say yes to her today there would have been lingering doubt and that would have been way less fair to you than this is."

I started to cry as I read this. I texted him back. Not so nicely. "Wow. Thanks. And you wondered why I didn't want to have sex? THIS is why."

He said "again im so sorry." I sent him a nice. "whatever"

He is now deleted. I really wish I wasn't crying over this.

Excited

On Sunday, I am getting baptized. I'm very excited for this too. =) Its like I have gone from the lowest of low's to the highest of highs.

Almost fixed.

So for the last few weeks I have been going back to church. Last week and again this week I met with a pastor. It has helped me so much. I feel like I'm now in the right frame of mind. =)

Things are looking up.

So I went and talked to one of the pastors at church today. I really opened up to him. Cried a little. It really felt good.

With my depression I have been doubting my faith. I was able to express my thoughts without being judged. He was also able to help answer some questions too.

We are meeting again next week. I'm hoping this all helps.

Hmmmm

Its been at least 3 week since I last heard from my email buddy. Heard from him tonight. He had some crappy "family" stuff going on. Not sure if I believe him. I'm just a little confused.

I'm really confused by other things as well. But whatever. I just need to forget. That persons loss.